Inclusion or exclusion in this holiday season

A number of Christians have been expressing offense (or even outrage) at the use of "Happy Holidays"; instead they want people to say "Merry Christmas." There was discontent at the First Couple's holiday card, which did not specifically mention Christmas. Some have stated that they will refuse to shop at any store that has no specific mention of Christmas.

For those who are used to being in the cultural mainstream and having most of the surrounding cultural discourse support their cultural practice, it can be disconcerting to become de-centered. To suddenly become merely one religious/cultural tradition among many, with no special status, seems to connote disrespect.

But only if you are used to being in the cultural mainstream. For those who are accustomed to lack of cultural recognition, the intensity of the outrage seems odd.


No one is claiming that there isn't a Christmas tradition for some people -- merely that it is part of a broader winter holiday season that includes New Year's, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, Ramadan, etc... But that lack of privilege, the lack of exclusive recognition, the inability to ignore other traditions -- that is what is most likely the galling aspect.

It strikes at the heart of the key difference in viewpoints: Do we acknowledge and respect diverse practices and cultures, or do we ignore cultural diversity and recognize only the dominant majority?

For those in the dominant majority, there is always the option of ignoring the minority traditions. Those in the minority, however, have no choice but to confront the dominant traditions in everyday life (e.g., Christmas specials on TV, etc.) and to be reminded of their marginalized status. Those in the majority may not even notice these references to their cultural traditions -- they are just "normal" -- but they may become deeply upset at the hint of removing any of these references. We don't notice the culture when it coincides with our worldview, but we notice any perceived "loss" of these cultural supports.

I believe in acknowledging and supporting diversity. I believe it is worth sharing the stage, instead of hogging the spotlight. I recognize that people find meaning in a variety of cultural and religious practices, and I am willing to support their path as long as it doesn't harm others or exclude others' paths. I'm not offended when someone wishes me "Merry Christmas", or "Happy Kwanzaa", but I am sensitive to the experience of being unrecognized and marginalized. And so my reply will typically be "Happy Holidays," with that meaning that you should find joy in the holidays you celebrate. And if you take offense at that, I think you have missed the point.

Abstinence only sex ed: biased, inaccurate AND sexist

It's old news that abstinence-only sex education is chock-full of scientific and medical inaccuracy. In a report prepared at the request of Rep. Henry Waxman (a champion of science) in Dec. 2004, over 80% of the abstinence-only curricula in the study contained "false, misleading, or distorted information about reproductive health." These programs, which are heavily funded by the federal government, imply that condoms are ineffective at preventing STDs/STIs and pregnancy (in contradiction to actual scientific data), include false information about the sequelae of abortion, and blur religion and science.

I knew about that part of the report.

What I hadn't heard about until reading articles in Salon and Harper's is how incredibly SEXIST these programs are. They are purveyors not only of conservative sexual morals, but also of gender stereotypes. Here is one of the parables that is provided to our youth:

Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor, ready to rescue a maiden and slay a dragon. When a man feels trusted, he is free to be the strong, protecting man he longs to be.

Imagine a knight traveling through the countryside. He hears a princess in distress and rushes gallantly to slay the dragon. The princess calls out, “I think this noose will work better!” and throws him a rope. As she tells him how to use the noose, the knight obliges her and kills the dragon. Everyone is happy, except the knight, who doesn’t feel like a hero. He is depressed and feels unsure of himself. He would have preferred to use his own sword.

The knight goes on another trip. The princess reminds him to take the noose. The knight hears another maiden in distress. He remembers how he used to feel before he met the princess; with a surge of confidence, he slays the dragon with his sword. All the townspeople rejoice, and the knight is a hero. He never returned to the princess. Instead, he lived happily ever after in the village, and eventually married the maiden—but only after making sure she knew nothing about nooses.

Moral of the story: Occasional assistance may be all right, but too much will lessen a man’s confidence or even turn him away from his princess.

What? I don't even think I understand what the point of this is, particularly in a sex ed curriculum. I guess we need to restate that men need to be in charge and to seem more knowledgeable than women. Women, hide your wisdom! Men need to know more, or at least think that they know more, so if you want your knight in shining armor, play dumb.

Oh, yeah, that's a good message to give young people. That furthers gender equality and sexual health. Ladies, don't tell your man how to please you or suggest he wear a condom, because that will lessen his confidence. Hey, what about *her* confidence, huh? It's sure to be bolstered by the reminder that she isn't as bright as he is.

Here's another gem:

While a man needs little or no preparation for sex, a woman often needs hours of emotional and mental preparation.

5 Major Needs of Women: Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment

5 Major Needs of Men: Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support

So, women don't need sexual fulfillment and men don't need affection or honesty? I'll remember to lie to my sweetie as I'm admiring his big muscles and draining his wallet dry. That's the ideal relationship for me!

[Sarcasm mode disengaged.]

The really depressing part is that some people believe this *is* the right message to give the next generation, and it's being given out on a massive scale.

Cancer prevents premarital sex?

Paraphrased from today's Washington Post:

A new vaccine will be available next year or soon thereafter which will provide virtually 100% protection against two of the strains of HPV (genital warts; human papilloma virus) that are linked to an increased risk of cervical cancer in women.

Health advocates say: Good news! We can protect women from a cancer which now takes the lives of 3,700 women each year in the US.

Social conservatives say: But wait...if girls and women are protected from the risks of cervical cancer associated with contracting HPV, then they will feel free to engage in risky sexual behaviors, like having more than one lifetime sexual partner. How will we motivate them to be abstinent until marriage, and faithful during marriage?

(I guess that the conservatives forgot about HIV/AIDS, herpes, and a host of other STDs/STIs...)

These two groups are debating whether to make the immunizations mandatory (health advocates) or optional (conservatives) for children/young adults.

Social conservatives are so committed to eradicating sex outside of marriage that they are willing to risk people's lives for their moral vision. It's almost as though they welcome the costs of sexual activity as an impetus for sexual morality. If we can just keep people terrified of the consequences of sex outside of marriage, then they will be abstinent. Maybe if we could convince them that sex without the wedding band causes you to die instantaneously -- you stick it in, and just explode (*boom*) -- then they'd be sure to be abstinent!

Except it doesn't work. Fear is a strong motivator, to be sure, but it is not the only relevant motivation -- pleasure and affection and desire for intimacy are strong motivators as well. And adolescents are often convinced that they will not be affected by risks (termed the personal fable) -- it's hard to get them to wear seat belts, and that isn't even much of an impediment to enjoyment! How many young women think to themselves...Hey, I'd like to have sex, but I might get cervical cancer as the result of an STD. Gosh, it's not worth it...I'll wait until marriage. Many people don't think that their partners could be infected with an STD/STI, and I suspect that a great many young people don't even know that HPV can increase a woman's chance of developing cervical cancer. (Particularly since many sex-ed programs have been eviscerated to a bare-bones "don't do it" message.)

Further, one cannot control whether one's partner is faithful or not -- the abstinent-until-marriage and faithful-during-marriage woman may still get infected with HPV from her husband...is she supposed to die as a penance for his lack of sexual fidelity? And this doesn't even consider issues of forced sex. In short, apart from the obvious question of whether having sex with more than one partner in one's entire life is, in fact, the correct moral stance, the fear-based approach is unlikely to succeed in enforcing this stance.

Let's hope that the health advocates win this one -- I'd hate to see more women die from a preventable disease just to assuage the fears of the conservatives that young people might have sex before marriage.

Marriage: (E)Quality matters

From the Washington Post today...

Poor Marriages, Poor Health
By William Raspberry
Monday, October 24, 2005; A19
Black women are sick of marriage.
Well, lots of them, anyway.
I've just looked at "The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans," a comprehensive review of the most recent literature (since about 1990) on the subject, and the conclusions are generally what you'd expect:
Marriage promotes the economic, social, familial and psychological well-being of black men and women -- as it does for men and women generally. Marriage is wonderful for children, who turn out to be less trouble-prone than their peers from single-parent-households.
The economic benefits of marriage are more pronounced for black couples than for whites, more often keeping their families from slipping below the poverty line.
But when it comes to physical health, marriage is worse than neutral for black women. Listen to the report, newly published by the New York-based Institute for American Values:
"Our research finds that marriage brings small health benefits to black men -- and none to black women. In fact, married black women are significantly less likely to report having excellent health than are unmarried black women."
. . .
"Overall, the study shows the smallest benefit to black women -- but it's still an important benefit," said Malone-Colon, a psychologist who is director of the Washington-based National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, a clearinghouse for resources for strengthening marriages.
But a negative consequence for the health of black women?
"I know. There are some dynamics we haven't given a lot of attention to, though one could hypothesize. It probably has to do with the quality of marriage -- self-reported levels of satisfaction with the marriage.
"In a number of surveys, African Americans report that they are less satisfied. They also report higher levels of conflict -- even violence. Then there's the matter of domestic justice -- sharing household responsibilities. And infidelity rates are higher among African American men."
. . .
As the report itself notes: "There is every reason to believe that increased marriage rates, and especially higher numbers of good marriages, would bring significant improvements to black people's lives. To take one example, we have seen in this review that higher marriage rates among African Americans would almost certainly reduce the risks of juvenile delinquency facing young African American males."
Moreover, the scholars conclude, strengthening marriage in black America might be as effective as "any other strategy" in addressing the crisis of black males.
But the implied caveat is that they'd better be good marriages -- non-conflictual, nonviolent and fair.
Black women have seen the other kind of marriage and they are, quite literally, sick of it.

First of all, the entire premise is flawed: I'm always annoyed by the social science which purports to find that marriage improves the quality of life, whether that is health, mental health, child development, etc. What these studies actually find is that people who are married have higher (or lower or the same) average health, mental health, etc. This is at best a correlation between marriage and health (well-being, etc.) (and even that is not consistently found, as noted above). But now the important part (and this is Psychology 101, people): CORRELATION DOES NOT ESTABLISH CAUSATION. Just because two variables are associated does NOT mean that one of them causes the other. If every time a phone rings in the U.S., there is a baby born in India, does that prove that one causes the other? Not in the least. In this case, it may well be that those who get married are already more likely to be socially skilled, more mentally healthy, etc. than those who do not get married, and that the marriage itself plays no part in improving these qualities. So we can never assume that marriage has any causal impact until we do studies in which people are randomly assigned to get married or not...and I don't think I can get the human subjects board to agree to that one.

(Side note: Even if marriage does have some positive causal effect on people's lives, what would it be about marriage that would have the effect? Is it the legal recognition? Access to partner's health insurance? Social recognition? Different treatment from friends and family? Cohabitation? Commitment? Long-term partnering? Great gifts from the wedding? Without a clear model of what aspect of marriage has the beneficial effect, I'm loath to create marriage incentives, as we are working blind.)

Second of all, note the over-generalization: Even if there is some effect of marriage, it is unlikely to be the same for all people -- no relationship or social context will be universally beneficial to all people. Marriage, like any relationship, is enormously variable, and its effects will undoubtedly vary considerably, as the reporter notes. It's good relationships that have the potential to positively benefit people's lives: An unhappy, abusive, conflictual relationship will be more likely to decrease well-being than increase it.

Third of all, note the gendering: Marriage has generally been found to be much more consistently associated with good health and well-being for men than for women, and yet the social scientists promoting marriage continue to advocate incentives for marriage, as though this will improve everyone's lives. But, as the reporter notes, the report indicates that marriage will improve black men's lives -- to solve the crisis of black males, to reduce the juvenile delinquency among black males. Why is it women's job to improve men's lives? Isn't this just a variant on the Victorian trope that women's purity and moral goodness would save men from their bestial natures? Patriarchy raises its ugly head again.

And now the kicker...why does marriage benefit men more than women? Because of persistent inequalities in labor: Women do more household labor and more emotional/relationship labor than men on average in cross-sex couples. Because of continuing risks of domestic violence: Women are more likely to suffer significant physical injury (and risk of death) from domestic violence than are men. What does it all boil down to? Power. Men still hold more power than women on average, and as long as that imbalance persists, men will benefit more from couplehood than will women. The solution? Egalitarian relationships, which are consistently found to be more satisfying for both men and women. As the reporter notes, women (and men) need "non-conflictual, nonviolent, and fair" relationships.

The big question: How do we achieve this in a society still infused with traditions of patriarchy? When men still earn more than women (women earn $0.77 for each $1 a man earns on average), when positions of power are still dominated by men (seen a woman U.S. president yet?), when models of marriage still promote male dominance (albeit more subtly than in the past)...how do we create a movement of truly egalitarian relationships?

I know it is possible...I have it in my own life. It's fabulous. I want it for everyone.

No comment

Ms Magazine used to have a "No Comment" section on the back cover where they would place ads or other images that were appallingly sexist. My latest "No Comment" comes from one of my students, who brought in a magazine clipping (I hesitate to call it an "article") from Maxim, entitled "How to Cure a Feminist: Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into an actual girl!"

The online version doesn't include the charming photos, which show the woman becoming more scantily clad and presumably sexually available as she transforms from a feminist (who wears jeans and a tshirt) to a "real girl" (who wears a bikini and is pulling the bottoms down slightly). The "feminist" is shouting an angry slogan, while the "real girl" is saying that she needs a man and that his car is cool.

Ok, I know that Maxim is probably not the bastion of forward-thinking, feminist men. But honestly...this is outrageous.

It's almost enough to make me a militant, protesting, feminist!

Hair fantasies

I've been having fun playing with yarn. There was a bellydance vendor who was selling hair extensions made from yarns and threads with charms and beads woven in, which are apparently popular with tribal-style bellydancers. So I got a yen to make some, and I've been putting together outrageous yarns and threads for a couple of weeks now. It's great fun and so far, the recipients of these hair fantasies have enjoyed them. Ask faeriemage about hers! I have pictures of two of them below -- these are gifts for two of my nieces (shhh.. don't tell them ... it's a surprise). They are super-glitzy, with all kinds of beads and charms and bells woven into them.


Purple hair fantasies: Hair extension made from various yarns and threads, with beads, bells, and charms tied in.



Pink hair fantasies: Hair extension made from various yarns and threads, with beads, bells, and charms tied in.

Barbie and Ken

So my students and I have been discussing gendered messages in children's toys, and we got involved in a protracted discussion of Barbie. Barbie dolls always seem to provoke a strong response in students; whether it's the unrealistic body image conveyed, the ubiquitous pink displays in toy stores, or general discussions of playing with Barbie or not wanting to play with Barbie, she cannot be avoided in discussions of gender and toys.

But here's a new twist. What about Ken? What is Ken's role in the Barbie world? (One of my students says that Ken dolls are being replaced by Liam, but the question is still valid.)

One of my students made the point that Ken, by virtue of being relegated to the "girls' toys" section, is being framed as insufficiently masculine. He's not man enough to make it in the boys' toys, next to G.I. Joe and the superhero action figures, so the emmasculated Ken ends up hanging with the ladies in the Barbie section.

Interesting point. I, myself, never thought of Ken as especially effeminate -- he's not a bulked up as some of the "action figures" (e.g., boys' dolls), and he seems to have no particular goal in life other than hanging out in Barbie's dream house in his swim trunks, but it never occurred to me to question his masculinity (even though he, along with Barbie, lacks relevant genitalia on which to make sex distinctions).

But here's my thought. Barbie's world is one which is populated predominantly by women, and is suffused with women-identified activities (predominantly shopping and personal beautification, although there are some nurturing roles as well). A number of feminist theorists have noted that women on their own, without male supervision or primacy of male attachment, are perceived as dangerous and evoke strong social response. Hence the historical persecution of widows, lesbians, etc. -- if women can survive on their own, without men, that serves as a potential threat to patriarchy. So Barbie, although she adheres to gender role norms, could still serve to promote the image of an independent, self-sufficient woman who can achieve satisfaction without men...and that is a message that could be seen as very dangerous to provide little girls. Enter Ken. He serves to confirm her heterosexuality and the need for women to have relationships with men. He watches to make sure that she doesn't become too independent. He affirms the heteropatriarchal system.

So, what is it? Ken as emmasculated, or Ken as patriarch? You decide!

Racist, or just stupid?

The Washington Post today reports:
Democratic lawmakers and civil rights leaders denounced conservative commentator William J. Bennett yesterday for suggesting on his syndicated radio show that aborting black children would reduce the U.S. crime rate.

The former U.S. education secretary-turned-talk show host said Wednesday that "if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." Bennett quickly added that such an idea would be "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do." But, he said, "your crime rate would go down."

But wait, why stop there? Why not prevent *all* births -- if no one was ever born, surely that would eradicate *all* crime. Eradication of the human species as a crime-prevention program...

And this is from the author of a book on virtue.

*Sigh* Sometimes it seems that we haven't made any real progress.

Long time, no blog

Gosh, it's been a while since I've posted: Bad blogger, no biscuit! ;)

I have been swamped with:
Beginning of semester -- classes, student interns, meetings, committees...
Travel -- away every weekend in September (to Poconos for family weekend, to wedding in MI, to wedding in Philly...) Weddings were lovely and very wonderful. Family weekend was fun; great to see everyone.
Dance -- performing, teaching one class a week, taking three classes a week... and all the usual stuff.

I've also felt overwhelmed by recent world events, and it's been hard to know how to formulate a fully meaningful and appropriate response.

So I needed some downtime, I suspect.

Today's fortune cookie said, "Come back later...I am sleeping. (yes, cookies need their sleep, too)" I think that about sums it up. ;)

I've determined that there are two different places within which time stands still for me: The gym, and G Street Fabrics. I know that time continues outside of their walls, but I have no sense of its passage. It feels like sanctified space somehow. It's not the same as the sense of flow I get in activities like teaching and dance (see Milhaly Csikszentmihalyi's work on flow states), where I don't have the awareness of time passing or of myself as a separate entity, but there is a sense of standing outside of time as if one could watch its passage through a window but not be part of it. I'm not sure what the significance is, but it makes me want to stay longer in these places.

Garden update: I have managed to produce a single, very tasty zucchini. And a small handful of green beans. And six gold raspberries. And more basil than I can keep up with (anyone want some?). And a whole bunch of weeds which need to be dislodged.

Such are today's random thoughts.

Latests....

Latest movie: Donnie Darko. It's a bizarre film, a compelling film, a disturbing film, a strangely intense film...I'm drawn to it over and over, and I keep finding more symbolism and more details of the film every time I see it. It's definitely one of those films that gets better every time you watch it; the first time it just seemed weird and disturbing, but further viewings and hearing the commentaries really made it clear how tightly-plotted and filmed it is. Cool film.

Latest technology: I am the proud owner of an iPod! Q got me the iPod as a gift to celebrate the completion of my summer semester of teaching -- yay! It took a little doing to get the thing working...for some reason, the menu was in Japanese, and of course, I couldn't change it, because I can't read Japanese...but we did finally get it working, and I love it! I can't wait to put most or all of my favorite music on it and make new playlists for dance workouts and classes.

Latest gig: Sunday I danced in a fundraiser for another dancer. I wore a new dress -- turquoise with gold and silver beading -- a Madame Abla original. Fun gig, but it was really HOT!

Latest realization: Tuesdays this semester are long days -- first class at 11am and last class ends at 9:10pm. Teaching stamina is definitely in order. ;)