Sewing habit and weird dreams

I swear, when I look at a tiny box of thread or beads and think about how much it costs, I wonder whether a drug habit wouldn't be cheaper. . . and these threads were on sale!

Last night I dreamed that a large group of students rang our doorbell at 1:00am to perform a show (I think it was supposed to be Shakespeare, or maybe Star Wars). I had just woken up and wanted them to leave, but they ended up doing the show in our living room. The show consisted of overlapping variety acts and random dialogue, with some of the performers arriving in the middle of the show and talking as they did so. I had trouble focusing on the performances, as there was so much competing for my attention. It was pretty bad, as theater goes. Then the performers all raided our kitchen for anything they could find to eat (mostly cupcakes and cookies, which we actually don't have at the moment). I also noticed an invasion of ants in our dining room while the performers ate. The rest of the dream was only loosely related, but this part was quite vivid.

I have no idea what it means.

Highlights of 2008

So what did I do in 2008? In no particular order (and I'm sure I'm forgetting things):

• In addition to my regular teaching schedule at Montgomery College, I taught a section of General Psychology at Georgetown (Spring & Fall semesters) and in the Winter 2008 session at Montgomery College (with a wicked flu the entire time -- blech!)
• Continued to refine my teaching and try out new assignments and classroom activities
• Became a faculty contact for the Writing in the Disciplines program at MC
• Organized a conference panel about writing at AFACCT, and gave two presentations about writing at MC
• Coached the Vagina Monologues at MC (was this my fourth time?!?)
• Continued to organize the Psychology Brown Bag series at MC, and gave two talks as part of the series: Lusting in Your Heart: What do your feelings say about you? and Viagra: The Solution, or Part of the Problem?
• Wrote an Ask the Sexpert column for the student paper on whether homosexuality is natural
• Had a panel presentation accepted to the Mid-Atlantic Women's Studies Association conference
• Continued to be the faculty advisor for the People's Alliance club, which met fairly regularly and put together a display for the Health Fair at MC -- they did a great job
• Organized the annual silent auction to raise funds for the Women's Studies Student Scholarship Fund at MC -- put up advance pictures online for the first time
• Went to Boston to visit a friend who showed us around the city and was a wonderful hostess
• Got to see my father sing the Major General song on stage at George Mason University (with full orchestra and chorus backup, including a verse he wrote himself about academia)
• Went to my father's talk at GMU about writing over 100 books (wow!)
• Became a regular at the local farmer's market (during the growing season)
• Gardened extensively: Put in my vegetable garden and various annuals, did my regular maintenance, and began putting in new paths in the garden (well, Q did most of it, really, but I helped)
• Watched the bunnies and birds in our yard -- ooh, and I saw deer, and a fox, and a woodpecker while at my father's house
• Cooked and baked with the wonderful summer produce and helped Q make our usual summer pesto; discovered some new recipes, including delicious blueberry muffins and and raspberry coffeecake
• Made pizza from scratch for the first time -- and it was yummy!
• Finished painting the basement, including the finishing touches on the peach pit (the stairs) and the bathroom (with its violently orange faux finish and a lovely sump pump cover that Q built)
• Started painting the bedroom (still in process, but it looks fabulous so far)
• Researched and purchased a new washer and dryer and a new refrigerator (more energy efficient -- yay!)
• Went to Quebec for a wonderful vacation, which included climbing a mountain (with only moderate whining and gasping), seeing whales, eating sugar pie, and going to some cool museums, including a terrific exhibit of Inuit art and an exploration of the historical layers of Montreal buildings
• Continued my dance education with regular classes with Yasmin, Turkish workshops with Artemis, workshops with Leila from Egypt, and going to Folktours Dance camp and the Herdeljezi Festival
• Put on three Starlight Shimmy shows at the New Deal Cafe
• Created some new dance performances, including some new comic fusion pieces, but also stretched myself to create more emotional depth and explore some new aspects of dance
• Continued to dance at local gigs, including restaurants and private parties, and did some substitute-teaching that has led to an ongoing teaching opportunity
• Went to a number of dance shows (too many to keep track of!)
• Went to Wisconsin to visit my grandparents, and put on a dance performance for their community
• Sewed: Finished a jacket, finished beading a costume belt, and made progress on a couple of other projects
• Saw Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead with stellar performance by
• Saw Kooza, my first experience with Cirque de Soleil -- amazing!
• Saw a performance of the Song/Dance Ensemble of West Africa
• Saw a local performance of the Pirates of Penzance that included a very effective use of trampolines
• Went to a couple of Batala performances, and they were fabulous
• Did a lot of walking and increased my use of public transportation to get to work
• Read a lot of books (and articles), including both fiction and non-fiction
• Saw some good movies (and some not so good movies, too); I was also a discussant for two film presentations at MC (Secretary and Chak De! India)
• Began a Facebook account
• Had semi-weekly brunches with my father
• Got to see my brother and his family a number of times -- my nephew and niece are great kids
• Spent lots of time with my sweetie and with good friends -- many thanks to all of you for being such good friends

It was a busy year!

End of summer

To me, summer begins and ends with basil. Summer isn't really underway until I put the basil plants in the garden. They grow all summer, and fresh basil is in many of the dishes I cook throughout the summer. Every month or so, I do a big harvest and Q makes pesto. Then, in the fall, it starts to get cold, and I pull in the last of the basil for our final pesto session. That signals the end of the summer to me. Usually, it's in October, which is long past summer -- it's almost the middle of the fall semester, after all! But I can cling to my dreams of long summer days as long as there is basil in the garden. When I (reluctantly) admit that the basil season is over, I can no longer deny that summer is truly over. Sure, there are still tomatoes in the garden, but it's just not the same.

Today, we made the last of this year's pesto. Summer is officially over.

Stripping for PETA

This is just gratuitous and inappropriate. I don't know what is more disturbing, the stripping itself, the fact that she's dressed like a schoolgirl, or the overly sexual narration. In response to protest letters, PETA justifies this by saying that their provocative actions (like naked marches) bring more attention to these important issues. They don't get the distinction between nudity and the stereotypic objectification going on in this striptease quiz (trust me, I have no problems with stripping, but this use of it is unnecessary and insulting). There is also an "end justifies the means" thread to their argument that I find very troubling.

I sent this quiz to a colleague in Women's Studies and her response was that sometimes it seems like we are "swimming backwards through thick sludge."

Backyard wildlife

I think it is so cute when our bunny stretches up on its hindlegs:

And here he brought a friend (Did you hear that?):

The birds love it when I put on the sprinkler, and they fluff out all their feathers (I'm huge):

Doesn't this cardinal just look fussy?

Summer bounty and a cooking frenzy

It's the bountiful harvest time! (Most of) Tuesday's garden harvest:
Four different types of tomatoes (and the Roma tomatoes haven't even ripened yet), two types of eggplant (the round orange ones with green stems look like tomatoes, but they are eggplant), golden raspberries, and one cucumber. I also picked blackberries, but gave them to our neighbors. But what to do with the rest? Well, I tried my hand at making homemade pizza for the first time. I've always been intimidated by making the crust, but Q swears it isn't hard, so I figured I'd give it a go. I made four small pizzas (California style), using a whole wheat crust. Two were eggplant (using the small purple eggplants), goat cheese, tomato sauce (homemade by Q two years ago), and mozzarella:

And two were fresh tomatoes (the three types of cherry tomatoes), fresh basil (from the garden, but not in the above picture), and fresh mozzarella:

They were both very good (I think the eggplant one came out especially well), so I count my first pizzas as a success. They take a long time to make, though, so I doubt this will be a regular activity. I also made a lemon-raspberry quickbread:

I haven't tried it yet, so I can't say whether it came out well or not. And I made another batch of blueberry muffins (probably the last blueberries from the farmer's market for the summer), and last night I made banana cupcakes. I'm planning a blackberry coffee cake, as well. I think I need more people to eat all this stuff! Lunch, anyone?

Resisting completion

I have always found it much easier to start projects than to finish them. New projects are exciting and full of possibilities. I can dream about what I could do and how it will look when it is finished. I get excited about the vision of the final product. I pull out materials, look at designs, consider alternatives. This part is fun and can last a long time. Then at some point I get inspired to start -- I cut into the fabric, I sew together some of the pieces. At some point the project stalls. Maybe I can't figure out one step of the instructions. Maybe I can't decide what color to use for the binding. Maybe I just get too busy with other things. Then the project may languish for months or years before I get back to it. At that point, the enthusiasm has faded; the bloom is off the rose. While I still have the vision for the project, there is less impetus to keep moving on it. I'll often put the project away and start something else. While I do occasionally come back to an old project and work on it, sometimes even finishing it, I have all-too-many incomplete projects (I hesitate to even call them works-in-progress) to testify to this pattern.

In the last few months, I've been trying to revisit old projects and complete them -- to clear the boards for the new academic year. The unfinished projects have started to feel like an albatross around my neck (and no, it doesn't come with wafers). Plus, I am sick of feeling guilty about the incomplete projects, and I want to be able to have something to show for the work I have done.

I've made some headway -- I finished two house-painting projects, and I'm pleased with how they came out. But I've also figured out one reason I resist finishing projects. When something is finished, its possibilities are complete. It is all it will ever be, for good or ill. And sometimes (many times?), it is for ill. I finished two skirts, and while they are well constructed, they just don't look good on me. My vision was not realized, and the work seems wasted. Frankly, it's disheartening and depressing. I would rather have the incomplete project, with its dream of beauty, than the completed object, with its flawed reality.

I guess I understand why someone might be a dreamer -- having your head in the clouds means you don't have to see the dirt you're kicking up behind you.

I know that I have to be prepared that some projects won't work out the way I thought. I know that everyone has a certain "crap quota" -- we need to make a lot of bad stuff to get to the good stuff. I know that I should see these as learning experiences and think about what I could do differently next time. I know that it doesn't mean that I'm incompetent. I know that (in theory) I can make things that do fulfill my vision and make my heart sing. I know.

But in the meantime, maybe I'll just dream up a new project and live in its possibilities. What's so great about finishing things, anyway? Shouldn't we just enjoy the journey? ;)

Nightmares

When I was younger, I used to have nightmares of physical threat. I was chased, or menaced, or injured, or even killed. My nightmares these days involve being unable to complete a task. I am trying to do something, but I can't do it for one reason or another -- there are obstacles I can't overcome or other tasks intervene. I am striving and I just can't get to the goal. (Remember Giles' dream in the Buffy dream sequence, where he can't finish his song because he has to follow the electrical cord? I resonated to that.)

My classic nightmare now is teaching-related. Last night I dreamed that I was teaching my big intro psych class at Georgetown and couldn't get the Powerpoint file open. I was perpetually trying to take attendance (which I don't even do at GU), and music and video files kept spontaneously playing and distracting the students, no matter how many times I closed them. I was acutely aware of losing the class time and the attention of the students.

Why this theme? Is is the lack of completion, a failure to do what I'm trying to do, touching on issues of generativity? Or perhaps it is an attack on my competence, a failure of my abilities. It might even touch on broader fears of being unable to control my environment, a common fear. And of course, there is usually a frisson of public humiliation to add to the mix, although I don't feel that this is the main concern.

What are your main nightmares at this point in your life?

Hummingbird sighting

When I went out to set up the sprinkler this morning, I saw a hummingbird in our yard. This is the first summer I've seen a hummingbird in our yard, and it's the second time I've seen one this summer, so maybe it is in residence somewhere close by. Yay! I love the diversity of birds in our yard -- cardinals, robins, mourning doves, finches, wrens, and grackles (I think?) are regulars, with bluejays and crows coming through on occasion. And what are the birds that make so much noise at night in this area? I don't know what species are nocturnal in this area.

Fragments of my life

• I finally finished painting the basement bathroom. It is a VERY BRIGHT orange color with yellow glaze ragged on over it (actually, ragged off). This room glows in the morning -- it looks like a light is on even when it is not. Q did a great job building a much nicer sump pump cover and moving the pvc pipe to give us room for shelves. I even painted the pvc pipe to match the walls, so it isn't so glaring. I got a little orange and yellow rag rug that matches the color scheme from Etsy. I even replaced the shower head, although we still need to find a suitable shower curtain. So that room is mostly done, and I keep going by to look at it -- it makes me smile.
• The house is remarkably clean at the moment -- we had an out-of-town guest last weekend and I did a major housecleaning. I wonder how long it will last.
• I am two weeks into teaching my five-week summer class. My second class got canceled, due to low enrollment, so I have more free time than I expected. This is a wonderful treat, and I am enjoying it.
• I am beading the fringe on the black and silver bellydance belt that I have been hand beading for years. I enjoy this process, but it is very very SLOW. And when the belt is done, I still have to work on the bra and accessories.
• Our summer pesto factory officially opened today. I did a major harvest of our basil plants, and Q made 9 batches of pesto. We haven't even finished last year's pesto, yet -- our freezer is full of pesto!
• The garden is a jungle, as always -- the tomato plants are huge and entangled with the berry canes, and the front garden is in desperate need of weeding. I find it hard to work in the garden when I am constantly being attacked by hordes of mosquitoes. I have never found an insect repellent that really works, and I am unwilling to use insecticides in the garden. What I really want is a Rent-An-Insectivore service, where handlers bring in critters to eat the bugs. For mosquitoes, it would be trained bats, for ants it would be anteaters, for crickets you could have hedgehogs. The handlers would bring in as many insectivores as you need for as long as it takes to reduce the population to a reasonable level (keeping them in your yard in whatever way is cruelty-free and appropriate), and then they would go on to the next patron. Wouldn't that be an eco-friendly solution? And then I could venture out to pull the weeds and pick the tomatoes in relative peace.
• I've been working on building some "greener" habits. I think I am a bit more mindful and aware of my choices, but I find that these habits often require a lot more time, and I'm not sure whether that is something I can reliably maintain when my workload is high. I'm figuring that anything I manage to do is better than nothing, so I just try to be cognizant of my choices.
• Movies I have seen recently: Wall-E, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, The Notorious Bettie Page, Provoked
• I taught a bellyrobics class (subbing for a friend), and it was more fun than I remembered. It made me think about trying for a regular dance teaching gig again, but I probably don't have enough space in my schedule.
• I made a batch of orange muffins today from a new recipe, and I didn't care for them -- too much oil, I think. What do you do with something you cooked that came out badly (or at least, not to your taste)? Do I feed them to the birds, or anonymously fob them off on coworkers?

I now return you to your regularly scheduled activities.